does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
