i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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