so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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