I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize