called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
