I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
