Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We named our party play list daddy issues
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
