Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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