when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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