You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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