chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am naked and annoyed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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