They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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