my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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