so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
