I'm really into asian looking animals
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There's always time for handjobs
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
