ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize