I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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