Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
