It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
