at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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