He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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