he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
