Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
