Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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