At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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