He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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