so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
