my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
