SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
