Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
