I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dick very happy bro
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
