My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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