come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
