There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
