do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
