your parents love me but you hate me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
