my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had to cum in my sink.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
