do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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