So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The adults are the big ones right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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