I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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