And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize