"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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