my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
