You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We're too hungover to prance.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
