Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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