I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
