I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
