Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
