he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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