I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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