Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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