i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
