my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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