even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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