I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
