is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Come see our sink grown plant.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
