My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
