OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize