you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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