one two three fourrrrnication!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
