she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
