Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
