I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
