I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
