Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He? As in you personified your dick?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
