Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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