I just saw a hot homeless man
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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