like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
