They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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