Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
dude. I can hear the air.
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