I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
