I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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