just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
