I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
