If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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