If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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