saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
