Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
