so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
jump out the window naked night went bad
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